Having been stable for almost two decades, with the lockdown measures enforced upon us, the crushing force of trauma has taken control over me again. I never would have thought this was all lingering somewhere subconsciously, now I know for sure that with all the exterior world shut down, most of the factors giving me stability and structure have disappeared and so has my mental stability. I consider myself a victim of these unnecessary measures. Unnecessary, because here in Germany hospitals have never been close to triage, we had approximately 2 thirds of all hospital capacities in use, the number of beds in use has constantly moved between 19.500 and 20.500 beds, throughout the year!